Tuesday, October 18

What About Us?


NBA season is here, so let's get to business and talk about the most important thing on every pro basketball player's mind: clothes! This would be even funnier if it wasn't true. Effective immediately, players are to don 'business casual' clothing, which anyone who went from college into the job world knows is about as comfortable as switching from silk boxers to tighty-whites covered in shards of fiberglass. These dudes wear sweatpants for a living, basically the greatest racket in the world. First they snatched away Vince Carter's ipod and made him go from pads to tampons, now it's jackets and slacks.

Pre-empting any back-talk, league commissioner David Stern issued this scorcher: "If they are really going to have a problem, they will have to make a decision about how they want to spend their adult life in terms of playing in the NBA or not." Stern's really got the iron fist routine in mid-season form. What's next, NFL players can't charter illegal sex cruises? Have some heart, guys. On the plus side, I'm a huge proponent of the ban on sunglasses indoors, or as I call it "The Kobe Bryant Rule."

3 comments:

Armando said...

anyone else consider this a subtle act of racism by the NBA? i'm leaning that way...

Hal said...

I see what you mean, but since the league is so heavly populated by blacks, any sanction levied on the players could be called racist in the same vein.

I see it more as an attack on our generation's dominant culture, rap.

greene said...

small sidenote, you may have missed it, but vince successfully petitioned the nba to allow him to go back to heavy flow pads, apparently other players were afraid of injuries caused by slipping in the piles of sand and puddles of tears that seap out of his vagina... other than that, i agree with you