Thursday, February 9

Hypothetical: Ice Fight!

In the near corner, wearing black and gold trunks, standing six feet, two inches and weighing in at 230 pounds, from Bedford, Indiana...Donald Brashear! And in the far corner, wearing black trunks with dried bloodstains, standing five feet eleven and one-half inches, weighing in at 239 pounds, from Brooklyn, New York..."Iron" Mike Tyson.

We'll fight at the Spectrum, center ice, with both fighters wearing skates. Initally this seems like another Tyson blowout, but greasing the sheet really throws a wrench into things. I think Mike struggles mightily in the early rounds, but finds his footing and prevails with a TKO in the 7th.

If the cold weather's getting you down, feel free to raise the temperature 40 or 50 degrees and take this one on: Mike Tyson versus Michael Phelps in the deep end of the pool, with no side touching allowed. (I've got Tyson with a first-round disembowlment)

Q&A:

Q: Gloves? Hockey or Boxing?
A: Hockey gloves, which will be thrown off at the onset of the fight

Q: Who's doing the promotion? This will decide how long into the fight Tyson takes a dive.
A: My set up wasn't a true Pay-per-view event, more of an organized streetfight. On ice.

Q: As far as the Phelps battle, how big is the deep end?
A: For this one, I conceptualized an endless pool. I'm starting to see that this could lead to a "fight flight" issue, so let's now assume that it's a square pool, 15 yards on each side.

5 comments:

Armando said...

When it gets right down to it, Brashear vs. Tyson might be the greatest fight of all time. Far surpassing any fight in history. On the one hand we've got Tyson, the knockout machine. On the other, Brashear, a straight brawler who can take 50 punches to the dome before he eventually TKOs his opponent. I have to give the edge to Brashear though, as i'm certain that he could grab Tyson by the collar, toss him around, and blast his face at will. If Iron Mike is ever able to get off a single good punch, Brashear might crumble, but really, look at the guy....he's been punched about a million times, what's one more?

Cameron said...

Couple of questions:
1) Gloves? Hockey or Boxing? I feel like Brashear would be helpless in big red mittens, while I think Tyson's experience batting around his girlfriends makes him comfortable laced or not.
2) Who's doing the promotion? This will decide how long into the fight Tyson takes a dive.
3) As far as the Phelps battle, how big is the deep end? Tyson has the superhuman endurance of any professional athelete, but his mindless persuit of phelps would leave him struggling for air if the arrogant young olympian has room to dance.

Anonymous said...

Step 1: Grease the sheet
Step 2: Grease the crease
Step 3: Increase the peace

Dave W said...

I give it to Brashear. Tyson hasn't fought someone of his skill or strength since Holyfield, and that was years ago, and he got dusted back then. None of Brashear's fights last very long, I give him a KO in the 3rd if Tyson can balance on skates, the 1st if he can't.

burtach-roof-hut said...

It should be a head butt/ earbite fight only...that takes the hands out of it.

True tyson has an advantage, having tasted ear before, but I have every confidence that brashear would give it his all.

I would also like to see them with an arm tied to eachother, knife fight style. This would take away any cardio advantage that brashear might have from skating.

Finally, I challenge the winner to a beer-smash....wing bowl 2007...who's with me