Thursday, November 3

Golden Showers Bring Dead Flowers

Here's an award you never saw coming for Bobby "Analog" Abreu: a gold glove. Go ahead, admire the marvelous luster. Word is that after Andruw Jones and Jim Edmonds were given their annual trophy, the voters put their heads together for long enough to come up with this sterling choice, which comes as a complete joke to anyone who watches Bobby misjudge balls off the wall and lose them in the sun on a daily basis. Today's Inquirer reports that "some managers and coaches who vote on the awards do so based on offensive performance," which is a terrible excuse, but brings a modicum of understanding to the situation. On the heels of Bobby's startling accolade, David Bell and Mike Lieberthal are neck and neck in the NL "Clutch Contributor" award voting.

8 comments:

zach said...

Hmm...misjudging balls off the wall, misplays, offense: gold glove.
At least Matusi has something to look forward to this off-season.

Hal said...

Aside from his porn collection, that is.

phlintern4 said...

Ohhh so that's why he's so ugly...acne scars.

greene said...

i know i didnt just read that matsui bashing from a sox fan... you do realize he and manny play the exact same brand of left field, except manny is alot lazier... at least matsui has the excuse that he cant open his eyes all the way, you try finding a ball in the sun with that kind of problem.

and whats the deal with this "word verification" requirement to post on here? if im supposed to verify that "dfhwyqo" is a word in order to post, im not sure i can do it anymore

zach said...

Well that porn collection thing is just about the most disturbing and at the same time predictable thing I have ever seen. Maybe he stashes some in the Green Monster and that's why he's always running right into it...

What you have to understand about Manny's brand of left field is that it's just to sucker people to run on him: look at his outfield assists. They're monstrous.

Hal said...

The word verification is to stop blog spammers, a problem we had in the early days of the site. It's better than signing in every time, and I appreciate the comments, so keep it up.

And by this year's gold glove criteria, Manny should win for all three outfield positions, unless he wants to share one with Ortiz. In fact... new post coming soon on this.

phlintern said...

I'm pretty sure that anyone under the age of 14 will be blocked from accessing your site for the next few days as long as there is a post with the words "Golden Showers" in it.

Sinner.

I agree with greene. If we're gonna have to verify words at least make them fun. Like "schmegma" or "grundle."

z said...

You wanna know why Manny has so many outfield assists? Because EVERYONE runs on him. He gets about twice as many opportunities as the other outfielders in the league. He is, hands down, the worst defensive outfielder in baseball. Manny is a bit more of a clutch hitter than Hideki, but anyone with two eyes and a brain knows that Matsui is far better on the defensive end of the ball.