Half Empty: Oh Sixers...what will happen this year?

So tonight begins another baskeball season. We all know the NBA is only a shell of what it once was; there's no more Jordan, there's no more Bird, and hell....there's no more Vlade. It's a league of one on one players, and it seems like outside of Phantom of the Palace Rip Hamilton, no one can make a jumper. The Sixers made the playoffs last year behind more heroics from AI, but were vanquished in the first round by the defending champs. No one was too surprised, and when the Pistons went deep into the playoffs for the second straight year, Sixers fans chalked up our poor performance to a tough draw. So the offseason began. Jimmy O gets thrown out with the bathwater, even though the Sixers are now currently still paying off the contracts from our previous 38 coaches. In comes Mo Cheeks. Legend. Jersey up in the rafters. Fan Favorite. So what's in store for AI and the gang this year?

First thing to consider...has the Atlantic division gotten any stronger? Hardly. New Jersey might benefit from having Vincanity all season long, but then again they might be hurt by having him all season long. Have the Sixers gotten any stronger? Well they have a new and assumedly better coach. AI and Webber should have had some time to mesh a little more, in addition to Webber meshing with the rest of the team as well. They added Michael Bradley, Steven Hunter, and a couple rookies. So really the biggest change is in the coach. The rest of the Eastern Conference hasn't changed too drastically either, so it should play out fairly similarly. AI is a year older...maybe not so durable anymore, and obviously the same with Webber. I think he's going to be forced to miss more games than ever before, and the Sixers will clearly suffer for it. Look for a bigger contribution from the bench (including Korver), but not enough scoring outside of AI to present a real threat to any good team. They'll make the playoffs, but unless this team gels in a way that they haven't for the past two seasons, get ready for another early exit.

Off to the land of the Rising Sun

So tomorrow morning I leave for, that's right, Japan. While I'm going for musical reasons, I plan to come back with a full report on what I can glean from Japanese sports culture. It's a shame baseball isn't being played right now (although maybe things are backwards there and the season is just starting), because I'd love to see fans going crazy for baseball like it was Liverpool versus Madrid in the Champion's League. I do plan on buying some sweet Japanese baseball gear though, maybe a new glove, maybe some jerseys, you know....whatever I can afford. So nothing of course. Other than the obvious culture shock, what do you think I should expect from Japan? A land famous for weird fetishes, extreme politeness, and total respect for men with sweet beards like myself. Really when it comes down to it, I have not a damn clue.

The Energizer Donnie

He keeps throwing, and throwing and throwing...

Let's get ahead of ourselves a little bit and jump right to the start of the fourth quarter. Eagles are driving, down 28-21. They have just dealt Denver their third straight three and out, running the ball on only three of their nine plays. It's starting to rain. At this point you would be crazy to think Denver could come out of this one alive. They had blown two straight fourth quarter leads, and we've got the ball at their 44. I proudly pronounce that the game is in Five's hands. And we keep throwing, and throwing, and throwing. The breaks start going our way, as Shanahan loses his first challenge of the game. And here's where it all falls apart.

Donovan drops back, sees man coverage over the middle, where Reggie Brown has gained position on rookie CB Domonique Foxworth. He puts it up, and it's complete, only to the wrong player. Three minutes later, touchdown. Another three minutes, touchdown. Six more minutes, touchdown. Game over.

The loss was tough, but this was a game we could afford to lose. Overall we went 3-1 against the AFC West, although it felt a lot closer to 1-3, and we were behind in fourth quarter against all four teams except KC, where we were down 11 at the half and square after 3. And I've always said that if you're gonna lose a game, this is the way to lose it. Get blown out. Get humiliated. Have something to prove. It's nice to squeak out a few wins where we get lucky, but I'll take a loss like this over a last second field goal any Sunday. Would you rather have a girl lead you on all night, ordering $8 cocktails, staying close by your side, and then skirting out when the bar closes in some dude’s Benz SL, or have her just throw a drink in your face at eleven, giving you three solid hours to rebound?

But the loss wasn’t the scary part. What got me was that Donnie looked good for a while. He danced a bit, hit a few guys in stride (don’t forget about Greg Lewis’ drop), and scampered for a first down to keep a drive alive. We all assumed that Donnie’s not himself right now, and he’s fighting through and trying to make the best of a ghastly situation. Well, what if he is himself? What if he’s gotten used to the pain, understands his slight limitations, and still just can’t get the job done? The last thing this team can afford is for 5 to lose the respect of his teammates. What was once unthinkable, is now looming on the horizon. These guys are not happy, and they are not battling the situation in a constructive manner. I know I don’t have much to go on, but shots of the bench show players sitting alone, or visibly complaining. How much longer can it go on?

Here’s the next scary part. One team from the NFC North and one from the West have to make the playoffs. It’s a rule. It’s terrible. If the Bears don’t come out of the North I won’t even know which way is up. And the thought of Seattle dropping passes all through the playoffs again is mortifying. What this means is that the top two teams in the East and South are in almost regardless of their record. And if we don’t get our act together, we’re in prime position to miss the boat to Detroit.

And here's the scariest part. Andy is moving closer and closer towards Martyland. Fanstatic Monday-Saturday coach, but watching him on Sunday is about as fun as trying to get an ocelot to mate with Cher. You couldn't ask for a better break than to have the best WR in the league matched up with a CB playing with a dislocated shoulder and a bum hammy. They finally made it happen, turning a quick hitch into a 91-yard trip to the endzone, but it was more of a "where was that play all game" than a "he's got it figured out now" situation. I guess the lesson is, if it looks like a stubborn guy with a mustache and a playbook, and it acts like a stubborn guy with a playbook....

What's going on here fellas?

After coming out to that 28-0 start, I'll admit I wasn't too optimistic about where the game yesterday was going. A weak offensive start, a weak defensive start, and once again a lack of fresh play-calling left me thinking...what exactly did they practice this week after barely squeaking out a W last week against the Chargers?

We had a few moments of good play, both on offense and defense, but really the team didn't look much different than last week. All the passing (which was expected), with a few extra run plays thrown in for good measure, probably left the Broncos wondering when we were gonna pull out the trick plays. Less play-action, no real usage of Lamar Gordon, and amazingly enough it didn't even seem like we took enough advantage of Champ Bailey's injury.

So what's in store for the future? Everyone knows 5 is hurt and his mobility is hampered. He got hit so many times in the first couple drives that I thought he wouldn't finish the game. He did make a nice little 11 yard run, but it was nothing to write home about. We gave up over 200 yards on the ground, and while you had to see something big coming there, they let the Snake throw for over 300 yards, and didn't pick him once. I thought the Eagles might have another game like last week....slow offense, huge defense. So next week, let's see something huge so I don't have to listen to the football pundits badmouth Philly and the Eagles anymore. And please, can they score first this Sunday?

On to the Flyers. While they've continued to win games, they've also continued to have some of the worst third periods I've ever seen. Anyone catch that game against the Hurricanes the other night? They did us worse than they did New Orleans (is it in bad taste to say that? I know Katrina didn't score 5 3rd period goals). Just a horrific let-down. The Flyers have gotten into this trend of getting so many penalties in the final frame that Ken Hitchcock's gray hair is getting noticably grayer. In this new NHL, penalties, although clearly unavoidable since you get two minutes for having a bad skating stride, are the ULTIMATE ENEMY. You can see Esche get nervous when someone goes to the box, as if those new small pads of his make him just a little scared of those big guns from the point. But like I said last week, Hitch is too good of a coach to let these third period woes continue much longer. Not to mention we've still managed to win most of our games. And Forsberg? They don't call him the best player in the world for nothing.

Tap the Rockies

I haven't thought that we were going to lose a game in about three years, and I'm not about to start now. The last game that I was remotely concerned about was the Super Bowl, but I had been preparing to be terrified of Tom Brady for a couple seasons by then, so I was already in good shape. The Chargers could have concerned me as they did 60,000 other fans in the Linc last Sunday, but whenever we have two weeks to scout a club I develop a healthy level of confidence. And here we go, 1,732 miles west and 5,280 feet up into Mile High Stadium. So here are six reasons why I am not at all worried about this game.

1. Jaaaake!
What has two thumbs, a moustache, and absolutely can't be trusted to win a game on his own? This guy. Roscoe P. Coldchain really nailed it on 'I'm Not You': "ak, you put no fear in my heart." Every Jake Plummer start should be "Defibrillator Day" at Mile High. By the way, John Elway should go around punching anyone in the face that calls it Invesco.

2. King Andy
Maybe the only reason I haven't abandoned Andy yet is that I'm just as stubborn as he is. If Andy had been on the Titanic, you could dive down 12,500 feet and find his cold dead skeleton standing with its hands on its hips staring off the bow. And if you think we're running the ball more than 25 times Sunday you're crazier than a hooker in a health insurance agency.

3. The Run D/ Jim Johnson
You want to beat us with Jeb Putzier and Ashlie Lelie? You want Jake throwing the 30 balls? Well too bad, cause that's all you're getting. Jim Johnson laid down the blueprint last week, and he's about to unveil another masterpiece. The reason we can lose to a team like the cowboys is that they don't do anything especially well, so it's hard to key in on a strength and shut it down. Well, here comes a team that has run the same playbook going on six seasons. They know they want to run, you they know they want to run, and you know how they're going to run. Once we shut down Tatum and Mike Anderson, Jake can start connecting with his new favorite receivers, Jeremiah Trotter, Dhani Jones, Sheldon Brown, and Brian Dawkins.

4. The New York Giants and the Miami Dolphins
Face it. These are not good teams. I really like Nick Saban, I'm kind of a closet Tiki fan, and I'm coming around on Eli. But these are not franchises that fans are clammoring about. These are also the two teams that have beaten the Broncos this year. Well, this means Denver's got problems that they aren't gonna solve versus a powerhouse team. Sorry guys, try again next week.

5. Five!
Remember when Jordan came back for the Wizards, and tried to play his old game for a while? Well, he back rimmed a few breakaway dunks, missed 18 game winners in the All Star game (followed by a super dubious foul on Kobe that put him on the line down two to shoot three, where he promptly bricks his first (classic Kobe shenanigans) and hit the next two to send the game to OT. Anyway, Jordan soon realized that he wasn't the same player and evolved into the man affectionately known as "Floor Jordan." (Probably my favorite second nickname). Well, this is what's happening to Donnie as we speak. He's taking brutal 10 yard sacks, missing guys deep instead of his trademark groundballs, and slowly realizing that he's about as quick as the average D end and slightly more agile than most D tackles. But Five is still smarter than the average bear and will find a way to snatch a few more pic-a-nic baskets until he is able to get his off season maintenance program underway. So enjoy "Floor McNabb," he's all we've got.

6. Champ
Champ's good. Really good. In a league where CBs have to play with their hands in the pockets to stay out of a sea of yellow flags, he's probably the best around. But he is not a man on man shutdown corner, and if Ol' Shannahan leaves him out there on an island he's gonna find this out the hard way. But he'll try, and I'm really looking forward to the return of the deep ball era. Don't forget, every touchdown begins with T.O

Gotta Have It: Eagles Luggage

It took me a couple minutes to get over the fact that they actually make this, then a few more thinking about the over/under on trips until it breaks (let the betting start at 4.5). Then I wondered about who might buy it, which is basically anyone who likes the Eagles (everyone), and anyone who doesn't have luggage (no one). When's the last time you saw someone traveling with a handful of clothes and toiletries and such? Those people just throw their stuff in a trash bag and take greyhound (I support this from deep within the cockles of my heart).

After about 30 minutes I was finally able to think about the significance of a piece of Eagles luggage. If it brings you the clock management skills of Andy Reid, you'd miss your flight by about 15 seconds every time. On the way, you would miss two cabs, one subway, and then throw a 5 yard pass to LJ Smith who would then be tackled immediately by two linebackers and a safety. I guess the moral is that you should just be happy it's not Herm Edwards brand luggage. You'd probably miss the plane by three and a half days and end up with Vinny Testaverde as your co-pilot.

Wednesday Fever

Reports are swirling that our favorite wounded Eagle, Donovan McNabb, has contracted the avian flu. Starting in East Asia, the flu has migrated west through Europe, south to Africa, and has finally settled in the United States. More to follow on this breaking story, as outside consultant Julie Zied contintues her tireless quest for the truth.

I'm So Sleeeeepy

Looks like I missed another great one last night. I guess the only thing left to do is pack up my stuff and move west. I haven't watched the second half of a Monday night football game in a month, and I've only seen the final out in one of the World Series games so far. Stark contrast to last season, when I got home from work at midnight, and only got to watch games that went into extras.

The point is, I have nothing to say about the game except that you should read Jayson Starks' ESPN column, because at least he watched the damn thing.

It's a W, folks.

10 is the magic number
To Jim Harbaugh and the special teams, who managed to turn the game around with a blocked field goal and TD runback, all while putting only 10 players on the field. Check the tape, its unreal. Let the record show that it was so quiet in the stadium before this play that you could have heard a worm fart. And it would have been hilarious.

Rick James Cold Blooded fact of the game
San Diego is playing with an ungodly schedule that includes four trips to the east coast and 10 games against 2004 playoff teams. Oh, and their last three games (Pittsburgh, at Oakland, at Philly) have all come against teams fresh off a bye week.

Yao Ming Play of the game
To Quentin Mikell's game breaking blocked kick. In the post-game press conference, Quentin relayed the information that in watching film they had found a weakness in the left side of the Chargers field goal unit, allowing them to pressure the outside, and get through untouched. This is the kind of thing NFL teams find out when they can spend two weeks scouting you.

Randall Cunningham stubborn player of the game
I love Five, but when is he gonna realize that he's not outrunning anyone? Get rid of the rock big fella. How many sacks must a fat man take, before he can sleep in the sand?

Jessica Alba Strip of the game
After Quentin broke the game open, Sheldon saved it with a righteous rip after Reche Caldwell had broken free in the secondary. Extra special considering the double safety blitz that left him as the last line of defense.

Michael Irvin Push-off of the game
To Reche Caldwell, who put the toasted Lito's bread on the first big play of the game. The first of many many many questionable calls by the zebra crew.

Jevon Kease Milk Carton Award
To Mike Lewis, whose name wouldn't have been called once Sunday if he hadn't gotten beat for 6 by Antonio Gates. Isn't this guy in a contract year? The NFL needs a symposium where Jerome James, Lamar Odom, Mark Blount, Adonal Foyle, Erick Dampier come in and lecture the players on the long and short term benefits of their situation. The best part would be the stunned silence followed by uproarious laughter from the basketball players when someone asks "But don't you play hard every year?"

This touchdown was brought to you by the Zebras in America award
How about those 35 penalty yards we picked up en route to our only offensive touchdown of the day? Nothing beats two flags for roughing the passer in three plays. I thought we subbed in Cooper Manning for a second there.

Marty Schottenheimer drive of the game
Run, run, run, blocked field goal. Martyball at its finest.

Thomas Edison Innovative Defensive Gamplan Award
To the Eagles, who broke out the old 4-4-4 defensive not once, but twice, followed by a ten man line on the blocked kick.

Right Place Right Time Award
To Darwin Walker, who somehow found his way 20 yards downfield to recover Sheldon's last minute strip. How a defensive tackle got there first I'll never figure.

And the Game Ball goes to:
Jim Johnson, whose gameplan will be the defensive blueprint used by every team until someone finds a better way to hold LaDanian to 7 yards on 17 carries.

Weird, wild stuff

Somehow lost in between the Chisox two miracle home runs was an unreal play when the Stros tied the game on a Jose Vizcaino single. Situation: Jeff Bagwell on third, Chris Burke on second. Runners move on the hit, but Burke hasn't gotten to third yet when Podsednik (+ arm) uncorked his throw home. Well, the throw was slightly off line, but somehow Burke comes charging, makes a pretty slide, and it's six-all. This all happenend minutes after I bet my buddy James he couldn't bowl 100 left-handed, followed by a gutter ball, then a strike. Remarkable turn of events, rendered irrelevant by a walk-off home run by Podsednik, who hadn't hit a dinger during the entire regular season.

Which brings me to my second point, kids...Don't do crack.

I recently found out that LaDanian asked Lawrence Taylor if he could have his nickname, and Taylor granted it to him. This was the only condition under which I would ever accept this travesty. I still think he should be LD (although a nickname demonstrating some actually creativity would be fantastic).Either way, after Sunday's game his name certainly wasn't anything close to TD.

On the subject of nicknames, here's a chance for Curious George to step in a yield a little presidential power. For a history of one thing that he is actually competent at, check out this great list of Bushy monikers.


Sheldon is the steak to Lito's sizzle.

Darwin may have been the missing piece the last few weeks. He was the stuffing in Jim Johnson's Blitzgiving holiday dinner.

Really weak showing by the 12th man. You could feel the nervous energy in the parking lot before the game, and although the crowd went wild before every time Drew Brees was under center, as soon as took the snap you could feel the air get sucked out of the building followed by a audible sigh of relief. This happened no less than 54 times, and it was brutal every time. It's tough watching your team pass 25 straight times, let leads slip away, and lose to the Cowboys. But there's only 8 home games a year, and the birds need everything we've got. Understand that I am not in any way condemning booing, which is absoultely has its place, but if you aren't booing, you gotta be cheering. It's the middle ground that kills me. This team doesn't owe you one damn thing, and if you take them for granted you need to give your ticket to someone who will get behind them.

The running game. Yeah; what running game. The way I see it, it's fine if you don't want to run the rock. I get the whole "our run is a short pass," and that's all well and good, but here's the thing: you can't do anything in the NFL for 4 straight seasons and be successful anymore. There are 5-10 coaches on every team who are paid to watch tape 18 hours a day, and nothing is getting by these dudes. And once one team figures out how to stop you, everyone knows. Remember our great gameplan from last years Conference championship? Half of our sets were straight from the Atlanta/Chiefs game when KC put them down by 46 points. Notice how the Colts can't complete a deep pass and Peyton has thrown a pick over half his games? Well the league picked up on what Belichick saw: rush 3 and drop 8 into coverage. The NFL is well known as a copycat league, but it also a league where innovators take home the trophy. And don't bother taking the Steelers here, they've run run run their way to exactly one conference title in the Cowher era. What worked yesterday will not work tomorrow. But since Andy is too stubborn to change, let's just hope we have the horses to get through while we have a shot.

Once the fire alarm went off, which the Zebras took as seriously as the Chargers took Donnie's play fakes, this officially became the strangest game I have ever been to. My buddy Mike, who graciously took me to the game, noted that "a helicopter could land on the field and no one would notice." This was soon followed by the dude next to us calling "blocked kick, TD return," and promptly losing every part of his mind. Which was subsequently followed by a brutal replay where we knew we were in the right and couldn't do anything but wait to see if we'd get hosed.

Every coaches' favorite play: U Victory. Take a knee fellas.

You can't be serious

Jermaine Dye gets on base on a questionable hit-by-pitch call (actually it very clearly hit his bat), and then Konerko hits a grand slam on the first pitch. Someone out there in the umpire's union must really want the Sox to win. Or maybe it's a south Florida anti-Castro consortium pulling some strings so that Fidel will feel extra bad about defectors Contreras and Hernandez. Either way the Astros got hosed.

That was a close one...

So they barely squeaked that one out, huh? After a big defeat to the Cowgirls, and the bye-week, I was ready for the Eagles to come out of the gate with foaming mouths, and fire spouting from their ears. The defense did just that, essentially locking down LT, and forcing the Chargers to throw the ball more often than usual. The line held up better than any previous effort, and we were able to put considerable pressure on Brees, albeit with much help from constant blitzing. They had him scared from the jump, and he made some hasty passes that aided the Eagles in forcing a few very necessary 3 and outs. On the downside, Lito gave up another big play in single coverage, for the 3rd game in a row. They forced the Eagles to blitz much more than we have seen this year, but it was largely effective, and they weren't able to capitalize on it with screens or quick passing.

Our offense, on the other hand, was stale and stagnant. Once again the defense bailed them out. Once again, they ran the same set of plays, with similar results. The Chargers defense, especially the linebackers, seemed to be able to hear the plays McNabb was calling in the huddle. No screens passes, certainly no running, and really just more of the same. It seems that after using the same offense for 4 or 5 seasons, other teams are finally able to effectively game-plan against the Eagles. Gloom and doom aside, the Birds still won, and they picked up a little momentum going into next week's big game in Denver. The Broncos defense has really stepped it up this year, and should provide a good challenge for the Eagles. Mabye Big Red will decide to change it up a little...at least I hope so.

quick note

Who ever thought of a bye-week in hockey? In case you didn't notice, the Flyers are currently enjoying one.
Secondly, who ever thought of the chances of the Eagles and the Flyers having one in the same week?

Gotta Have It:

This one is a little backwards, because I am actually against umbrellas, and vehemently against oversized umbrellas. So I don't actually want anyone to buy this, but it's worth knowing that something so ridiculous exists. If you do decide to pick one up, use it while you can, because once Josh Greene (my old college roomate) becomes president (or supreme overlord, etc.) anyone carrying an umbrella will be entitled to one free punch in the face.