Weekend Wrap (Now without Siran Stacey!)

"I can't believe that Godzilla was the only surviving member of its species... But if we continue conducting nuclear tests... it's possible that another Godzilla might appear somewhere in the world again."
Beautiful draft by the birds. They got a silverback gorilla in round one and two guys that will scare the shit out of buffet owners for years to come with their subsequent picks. And one of them got picked up for soliciting prostitution! Next up, cheerleader combine.

"Any man who crosses me knows nothing of Tuco"
As much as I hate Kobe (he's currently #1 on my list ahead of the guy from Citibank on Laguardia) I've been unable to stay away from him lately, causing me to lose upwards of 10 hours a week watching the NBA playoffs (and you thought they were unwatchable). My previous reasoning was that I wanted to be there every time he lost, but it seems that my old desire has merged with my new feeling that every time out there's a pretty reasonable chance he'll do something you've never seen before. For example, passing, or being a team leader, or killing Sasha Vujacic with a sneaker. The real miracle is that Phil found a way to get these guys to play defense and not kill each other while the player formerly known at #8 (nice one, asshole) put up 30 shots a night. At this point Phil could play Terrell Owens at point guard and get 12 assists and 10 boards out of him on 2 of 4 shooting while catching Kobe's spill.

"You can act like a man!"
Lebron, for your own good please cut out this fingernail biting shit. SATs are over, champ.

"My prediction? Pain"
Eagles look poised to start the season with four straight wins as they face Houston (away), Giants (home), San Fran (away), and Green Bay (home, Monday night). No telling where we go from there, here's to hoping it stars with 'p' and ends with 'layoffs.'

"No matter how far out of first we are, it's cool. You know, it keeps us from getting shut out at our favorite hotels and restaurant-type places."
To the Phils, now filling the standings sheet with a robust 10-14. Here's a few prop bets- more Phils wins or Reggie Brown catches? Who makes the first start, Cole Hamels or Randy Wolf. Next home attendance or total franchise losses?

"I'd be a lot better if you beat my legs with these bamboo reeds."
Don't trade Allen. Just don't.

"Big hitter, the Lama"
Congrats to my buddy Josh and his agency on their terrific draft. 22 of 24 players drafted, and they've already got Sheldon Brown in the stable to boot.