Y'all Must've Forgot

This Saturday's fight should be the bookend story on the career of Roy Jones Jr., the man considered by many to be the best pound-for-pound fighter of all time, until he met Antonio Tarver's left hook in the second round of their rematch. After taking a majority decision in their initial 12-round battle, their second fight went according to the James Iddenden theory of boxing rematches: "always bet on whoever lost the first time." If it goes on to follow Ali-Frazier, the greatest boxing trilogy the world has seen, expect Jones to be remember as nothing more than a guy who imitated a rooster back in 2002. I'd love to bet on Jones here, but he's been flatter than week-old soda since that famous knockout. Look for Tarver by unanimous decision, with no knockdowns and a whole lot of jibber-jabber.

Gotta Have It

The must-have Eagles item of the week is this beautiful minnow lure. It's so perfect I can't even think of anything to say about it. Just look at the picture, go buy one, and enjoy a delicious trout while the Eagles run the ball down the Chiefs' throat this weekend.

It's That Bad

Philadelphiaeagles.com today confirmed that #5 is suffering from a sports hernia, which he is expected to play with this Sunday, and for as long as he can after that. Team Trainer Rick Burkholder noted that"it is not comfortable. Rest does not alleviate the problem." Donnie has balked at surgery, the only true fix, as it would put him on ice for the next two months or so. Unless this leads to a change in playcalling, I'll put him on schedule to fall into approximately 1,500 pieces at about 10:30PM on Febuary 5th, 2006. On the disaster scale, with Pinkston's injury at a 2, and Rodney Harrison's at a 7, this is about a 29.5.

Don't Say I Never Gave You Anything

Ghostdini Tony Starks Award: To David Akers, for absoluetly the best 23-yard field goal you'll ever see.

Hello??? Is anyone out there Award: Jevon is cleaning up here on his way to the Milk Carton Lifetime Achievement Award. If he doesn’t turn it around quick it looks like we’ve got another Kevin Millwood on our hands.

Behind the Woodshed Hit of the Game: Sheldon Brown decimating Justin Fargas on a lazy swing pass. Way to put your back into it Sheldon.

Teddy KGB Award: Brian Westbrook…More coming soon on this

Tina Turner Memorial Award: Who gets hit harder than Donovan? Anyone? This guy gets absolutely murdalized every time he steps on the field. Kudos for not getting concussed yet.

Stealers Wheel Award: To Terrell Owens, who couldn't have looked more comfortable in the middle of the Raiders defense if he had a beer and a smoke in his other hand.

Andy Reid Understatment of the Week: "It's going to be a struggle for David to be able to kick this week, and most likely, he won't do that."

World’s Smallest Violin Bonus Award: Message to Rodney Harrison, what goes around comes around. A decade of cheap shots and trash talk apparently equals a torn ACL, MCL, and PCL. Now that’s a triple-threat.

And the Game Ball Goes to: To the O-Line, the only thing this side of the training room that is keeping Donnie vertical. Obvious mention here to David Akers, but if Donnie gets sacked eight times and Koy has to come in, he never gets a chance to limp on the field with 6 seconds left.

Phun Phact: David Bell

A caller on 610 Sunday said that David Bell "hits left-handers better than anyone in the league." And it's almost true! He's hitting .403 against them, matching that with a robust .197 vs. righties. Sounds ok, except for the fact that he has 402 At-Bats vs. righties, and only 134 vs. left-handers. And get this: we're set to face zero lefties in the remaining 5 games. But he's great with the leather!

From the land of Dixie

It's tough down here in the Washington, DC area. After being inundated with Eagles for the past few weeks, not to mention a so-so "wild card race" with the Phillies, I figured I'd come to visit my former home and see a town full of Redskins fever.. or at least a modicum of remaining Nationals enthusiasm.

Instead, on the way to the suburbs on the Metro, I saw hundreds of dejected Nats fans coming home from a crushing loss, and not more than one or two people with Redskins apparel. Normally, I come down here and get countless hours of enjoyment harassing dejected Skins fans, with them obviously holding Super Bowls over my head. But this time they can't even remember the Super Bowls. It's as if the thought of Joe Gibbs coming back and not immediately winning 50 championships was too much for them to handle and they've just given up. It makes you miss a city that constantly shows emotion, albeit horribly negative half the time. We don't really need to talk about the Caps, because unless you're part of the small group of fans that follow that team, you won't hear about them at all. The Wizards will get a little hype later, but DC is a football town.

In summation: go Eagles, the Phillies will fall short, the Flyers will win the cup, Iverson will dunk on Shaq, and DC will still be the worst sports town on the east coast.

Nip it in the Bud

Great piece of writing here on Terrell Eldorado Owens. I have no idea who that dude is. Maybe he helped T.O. pick out his outfit. Maybe he paid T.O. $20 bucks for the picture, then when Terrell saw the shot, complained that he had outperformed the photo fee and took it back. Too bad Drew wasn't there to scream in the poor kid's face and then save a drowning baby.

The Kid Swings a Mean Stick

Get all you can of Ryan Howard this year, because come next spring he'll be hanging out on the pine expressway. If this was the NFL, Thome would have been given the ax back in May; instead, he'll cripple us for the next 3 years. Hopefully it will be Thome, and not young Ryan who is traded for Tanyon Sturtze in December. That trade would be the highlight of Ed Wade's "career." And I don't want to hear any complaining about Thome killing our payroll, because this is baseball and it doesn't matter.

Runners on Second and Third, One Out....

Inning ending double play. And here's the wildest part: It wasn't the Phillies. Although this sounds like a classic Lieberthal on second, David Bell on third, Ramon Martinez pinch-hitting situation, it actually happened last night to the Padres. I also learned that the San Diego Chicken was never the team's mascot, just a marketing nuisance. For those interested, the play went as follows: Ground ball to first baseman who touches the base (force out), the runner on third stayed on the bag, but the man on second broke for third, putting himself in a rundown. Toss to second baseman, inning over, rally killed.

Around the League: Great Minds, Great Names, Not Much Offense, and One Tough Dude

As if things couldn’t get any worse in Minnesota, victory-snatcher extraordinaire Mike Tice has now taken over the team’s play calling duties. This move should effectively consolidate all blame for the team over the next 15 weeks.

Daunte Culpepper is the newest member in the “what have you done for me lately” club, while “what have you done for me ever” member Joey Harrington isn't even there yet. Each completed 5 passes to players wearing a different color Sunday; only one division (NFC West) had 5 or more picks thrown by all of its QBs combined. Together, Joey and Daunte threw for three more picks than the entire AFC (7).

Champ Bailey came up with a big pick for six against the San Diego Superchargers just one week after separating his shoulder against Miami. Brother boss is proving himself in Detroit (14 tackles, 1 sack), while their brother Ronald has fallen victim to lowered naming standards, never making it out of the Georgia secondary, where he played from 95-97. Two new facts regarding Boss: his given name is Rodney; on the Lions webpage they list this under “Mane Facts.” Awesome.

Hard to decide whose offense looks the worst after week two. Last night’s “Redskins explosion,” which could be better described as “Horrific Zone Coverage by Roy Willams” takes them out of the running. Houston and Baltimore are catching some eyes, but definitely not any passes on their way to 7 and 8.5 points per game, respectively. But what really puts Minnesota over the top is their remarkable 12 turnovers, including 8 picks by Daunte, and it’s unbelievable that he hasn’t fumbled yet. It should be a real clash of titans when they make the trip to Lambeau October 23rd. Had anyone ever described a match-up as weakness vs. weakness?

No huge surprise, just a little one: the Chicago Bears are officially the class of the NFC North. From the start I liked their recipe of strong running and tough defense, but couldn’t have predicted them to put it together this quickly. They won't score a lot, and they won't win pretty, but they'll get nine wins. I thought about checking the schedule and then decided that playing Green Bay, Detroit, and Minnesota twice should be enough. Every Chicago fan should send a thank-you to Mike Tice immediately.

Byron, Byron, Byron. This kid takes some damn licks out there. Good news for Jaguar fans, it looks like he'll take the McNabb approach (Get hit, bounce back with a win) over the David Carr program (Get hit, throw 3 picks). If he ever shortens his tennis-swing throwing motion, he's gonna be super dangerous. Lending Fred Taylor a knee or two wouldn't hurt either.

That Was a Close One

Checking on philadelphiaeagles.com I quickly glanced at our new kicker and was mortified to see a Bucs jersey, assuming we picked up onetime Buc Martin "Automatica" Gramatica. Closer inspection revealed American Todd France from Holland, Ohio. France did some solid work over in Hamburg suiting up for the Sea Devils. Even closer inspection shows that he's got 7 inches and 27 pounds on Westbrook, but probably lacks some of his quicks.

The Rep Grows Bigger

I don't think it's unreasonable to hold a team like the Niners without a first down.

Here are the recipients of Tim Rattay's 5 first-half completions: Dhani Jones, Brandon Lloyd, Lito Sheppard, Brandon Lloyd, Rod Hood.

Has LJ caught a touchdown without being awkwardly tripped and flopping around like a sturgeon?

Is this going to be one of those seasons like two years ago where we're obviously the best team in the division but aren't in first until week 8, and so we have to hear it from Giants fans for two months, knowing that we'll put 40 on them the first chance we get? (It was the Cowboys last time, and it was brutal)

Cut that Meat! Cut that Meat!: All You Need to Know About the AFC

Watching Freddy Krueger at age 6 scary:
The Pats are still too good. Tom Brady is the first athlete since Jordan that I am legitimately scared to go against. I can't even think about this team right now. I keep having visions of Logan Mankins giving his 2025 Hall of Fame speech.

Casper the Friendly Ghost scary:
The Colts are good. Barbecue sauce on burgers good. But not nearly as good as people think after Kyle Boller and Anthony Wright made their defense look like the 85 Bears, when in fact they're much closer to the 05 Bears. A defense that specializes in speed and missed tackles doesn't cut it in January.

Good teams that are an ACL away from the cellar:
Fans in Jacksonville, Buffalo, and KC have to be looking over their shoulder a bit right now. The Jags and the Bills have all their money on horses with certified grade-A horrific knee problems. And you're out of your mind if you think the Chiefs don't take a major step back if Priest goes down. Mister Larry Johnson can play a bit, but he's not going against Purdue here. At least one of these three will survive to do some serious damage in January.

Run for Cover:
Last week confirmed everything I've been saying about Jake Plummer, and I can't understand how anyone, especially a pro coach, could think that he is a starter in the NFL. Maybe these numbers will help: 3 of 8 seasons with more touchdowns than picks, 54-75 career record, 1-4 playoff record. He's so bad I'm beginning to think that Mike Shanahan is crazy too.

The Raiders are the Rams of the AFC, and if they'd played in the NFC they'd be a playoff team. Here's a fun game; See if any of these names sound familiar: T. Brayton, D. Clark, C. Weathers, G. Irons. Only one of these people is not starting at linebacker for the Raiders. They dropped 8 into coverage against the Pats and looked like a Pop Warner team. I don't think to much of Norv Turner, but at least they don't have Mike Martz to deal with.

The Steelers are done. There's just too much film on Rothelsomething, and their corners can't hold water much longer. The wheels on the bus go round and round the exercise bike while he watches Willie Parker and wonders whose bust they'll put his next to in Canton.

The Tennessee Cap-Casualties should right the ship in about five years when they figure this stuff out. How long until people can accept that Air McNair is only as tough as he is injury-prone?

More NFC Playoff Teams:
The Ravens, Jets, and Bengals could make a real run for it on our side of the fence, but they each have something holding them back this year. Ravens- Even the potential return of Slash has to make you cringe. Jets- Chad's toast, and Curtis is rolling the dice every time he steps on the turf. Bengals- Still one year away, but at least they've given us 85.

Robert DeNiro Sleeper:
Down in Miami, Saban is looking like the real deal. I put a lot of stock into how a coach carries himself, and his undressing of supplemental draft pick Manuel Wright was one of the highlights of the training camp tour. The two things that could put the Fins over the top are their defense (still solid), and Ricky Ricky Ricky. The man was an 1800-yard back, and I don't think his stress-filled sabbatical is going to hinder him any. Here's some parity: They could walk away with the NFC North or West title, but in the AFC, they won't be a top-10 team.

Just for fun:
Let's take a look at Browns, if for no reason other than that it's always fun when a team comes around to spark the old "Hey, do you think USC could beat them" debate. Matt Leinart will give them a boost, but nothing is going to stop them from posting a 1-15 record this year (I have them beating the Bears at home after a bye, and that's about it).

But here's the rub:
We only have to beat one of them! Who cares if they have 7 of the top 10 teams in the league. Let them fight it out in the playoffs while we draw up more screen passes to beat the blitz (in case you didn't get the memo, sending 7 on McNabb has replaced running between the tackles as the #1 way to take us down).

And unless the Pats drop two straight, you won't see me picking against them until the Super Bowl.

Money Can't Buy us a Win

I've been preparing all week to become furious when a fine was levied on Falcons DT Chad Lavalais, and here we go. The NFL sent him a $7,500 bill for his delicious McNabb sandwich, but where's our 15 yards? The fine just reaffirms what we all knew, that the hit was brutal, out of line, and worthy of a nice yellow hanky. In all nine players were fined a total of 35 large on the evening. I swear I saw Dick Bavetta out there in the third quarter.

Don't Piss on my Head and Tell me it's Raining

While complaining about the lack of attendance (21,169 on Monday and 24,311 last night) during their "push for the pennant," our lovable losers went out and made a pickup that "isn't here to win ball games." If that's the truth, new Phillies Consultant Scott Palmer should fit in great with the gang Wade and Monty have assembled thus far. His role on the team is to analyze why the Phillies don't get the warm embraces Philly fans reserve for winners like the Eagles and Allen Iverson (when he's not skipping practice). Checking the payroll and then the standings might be a good place to start the investigation. Phase two ought to include some chats with David Bell and Mike Lieberthal. That the Phils have an image problem is not news to me, but I thought we were looking for starting pitching, a centerfielder, a third baseman, a catcher, and a leadoff hitter, while it turns out that the big search was really just for better P.R. How this guy cleared waivers is a mystery to me. All I know is that if getting an image makeover is the plan, we should have splurged and gone after whoever Giambi hired.