Week 6: Enter the Mangenius

Sunday, October 14th @ Jets

There have been more than a few circumstances in the last five years where a innocuous AFC east trip has turned into a 64-3 blowout, and to anyone who is worried that we have another one coming here, have a coke and a smile. The Birds will be coming off a bye, while the Jets look to recover from a brutal road trip to their own stadium. While this has all the makings of a 31-27 grind with Donovan tossing out 4 touchdowns in his (hopefully) season premier, it's a win any way you draw it up. The Eagles don't lose off of a bye. They don't lose to inferior teams (gulp), and they don't lose to AFC teams that you'd think they could steamroll because their 3-6 even though if they played in the NFC West they'd be a perennial super bowl threat. Yikes.

I also don't care if Mangini is a fat young genius. Lest you forget, there was a time when Andy Reid was fat and young as well. Let that be a lesson on what the aging process can do for you. But once Eric breaks out the Belichick hobo sweats, it may be time to start getting worried. Let me stand as an example for everyone that the less you care about your clothing, the more you care about everything else. Especially football.

Prediction: Win, Cover, and 1 Chad Pennington career ending injury that is downgraded to day-to-day in two weeks.

Thank god that's over

This guy is about as impressed as anyone was with Mike Brown and the Cavs' performance over that excruciatingly long four game series with the Spurs. So begin the doldrums of summer, which this year feature an above .500 ball club! As bad as these NBA finals were (don't forget that the actual finals were played a month ago and were marred by the clutch play of Robert Horry), we've got a lot of basketball to get ready for, as this offseason promises to bring in the largest batch of new Sixers that we've seen in about a decade. And if the thought of four mid to low first round picks doesn't get your blood burning, we'll throw in non-stop Eagles coverage as well.

As for the finals, cheers to the Spurs and jeers to a Cleveland squad that thankfully had something to leave on the floor back in Detroit but were nothing more than well uniformed fish in a barrel against anyone the West could throw at them.

The Best: Running Back

The greatest running back we'll probably ever see absolutely blew my mind when he came to play in Philly back in fall of 2005. The Eagles won that game, 20-17, on a blocked field goal taken back for a touchdown. During the fourth quarter there was a fire alarm in the stadium and all fans were asked to leave, as if burning to death in the Linc would be a worse fate than exiting a game early. Neither of those occurrences were half as amazing as what LaDainian Tomlinson did on that afternoon. His line for the game: 17 carries for 7 yards, and 0 touchdowns, breaking his streak of 18 consecutive games with a trip to the endzone. Tomlinson is a player so special that when you when someone is able to bottle him up, even for a day, he has still managed to upstage the game itself. He also stole Lawrence Taylor's nickname and is still alive.

The Best: Defensive Player

Lights Out. Shawne Merriman takes this one quicker than a left tackle can call for help. Or pizza. This dude is scarier than finding out your girlfriend is 17. He missed four games last year for a steroid violation and still led the league in sacks (and steroid violations). The dude can't be stopped, controlled, or reigned in. Keep your Kerry Collins statues away from the field.

The Best: Player You Never Heard Of

In the spirit of ESPN's five "unknown" players with a combined three pro bowl appearances (and a first round pick in as well), I'm gonna range out to an unknown position and snatch up Chargers fullback Lorenzo Neal. Lorenzo has been the quiet force ahead of LaDanian Tomlinson's destruction of the NFL record books, and has been happy (or had his tongue removed in the summer of 03) to keep quiet about his lack of accolades which include little more than three trips to the pro bowl. Playing at one of the league's most unglamorous positions, Neal has spent the last four years hiding in front of Tomlinson, for whom the league already has assigned a new wing in Canton.

Here's a brief job description for an NFL Fullback:

The ideal candidate should be between 5-11 and 6-2, weighing between 230-260 pounds. Candidate should have no interest whatsoever in touching the football, but be willing to do so, and when said blue moon rises, to carry it into a pile of 19 bodies with the goal of moving forward 5 or 6 feet. On all other occasions, the player will be asked to run as hard as possible into the first man he sees in the hopes that this man does not tackle the man behind him, who is paid, on average, four times the salary of the man without the ball. If the candidate is successful in defeating the first man he sees, he should quickly seek a second, ad infinitum.

Compensation: Non-competitive
Benefits: You can still go to a restaurant without being attacked by third-graders

Slow Train Rides On

Sunday, September 30th 8:15 at Giants

It's been a long, long time since the Giants took the field without Tiki Barber. Unless this Sunday night battle turns into the Plaxico Burress show, I really don't see what we have to worry about here. Again, I'm looking to give the flip-flops award to Donovan as he takes another night off and gears up for the bye week. Not that we don't need you, 5, but really...

Looking back, I can't recall the last time I felt remotely threatened by the Giants. But every year, you hear rumbles about how ready they are to make their move. Is this all a function of our proximity? This can't be how Giants fans feel about us, right? Regardless, this one's another slice, as we ride the train to 4-0.