Ah yes, here it is. The dreaded end of the season. The Phils predictably fall apart, pull it back together, fall apart again, and eventually leave you wondering what in the hell just happened and why didn't I see this coming. Or, how did I see this coming. Inevitability bites you like a 3 pound mosquito, and until football gets under way, that thing itches like a somabitch.

They just took two miracle games from the Mets, with two to go. Still four back from them, and three back in the Wild Card. At this point last season, if my memory serves me correctly, the Phillies were in first for the Wild Card.

I'm not sure what I'm trying to say here. All I know is we've certainly seen this before. I hadn't watched a game in weeks before the Mets series (they always draw me back in just because I loathe the Mets so much), but we all know a series victory here is going to spark the city back onto the bandwagon, and I don't know if I can deal with that crap again. Bah

10,000 Chances to Connect

125 years is a long, long time. Long enough that after losing 9,999 games, no crime could be charged for breaking the five-figure mark. But in the midst of this milestone of historical ineptitude, the Phillies brass managed yet another in a series of predictable transgressions. For one night, we gave them permission to lose. And all we wanted in return was a time to celebrate, to embrace our franchise in the only way that no other pro sports team can be loved. And yet again, they missed out on a chance to connect with their fans.

I didn't need to see Von Hayes toss 10,000 baseballs into the stands, or see (as jokingly rumored) 10,000 black balloons ascend from center field. All I hoped for was recognition. And in refusing to acknowledge the passing of this mark, management yet again let us know that we are not the focus (sadly, neither is pitching).

It is understandable to shy away from anything which would glorify losing, but they'll never get another opportunity to turn a loss into a party. You will never again see a home crowd on their feet, cheering during the bottom half of the 9th inning, down 10-2 with 2 outs.

As the game closed, and Chase refused to make the last out, a glance at the scoreboard revealed that there was no one left in the lineup that I'd want to end this game. For once, I wished Charlie hadn't taken out Burrell and Barajas.

Long, Long Time Ago

Nine times. The Phillies have made the playoffs nine times, appearing in one world series. In 125 years. If you told this dude that we'd wouldn't win a championship for another century he would have shit his knickers. We've never won the wild card (get ready for that streak to continue). This is not just bad, it's monumentally bad. It's even worse when placed in historical perspective. The Celtics won eight championships in nine years, as did John Wooden's UCLA squad. Two MLB teams have more world series wins than we have world series appearances. Two MLB teams have made the playoffs more than nine times since the last time the Phils played into November.

These aren't numbers that stand out on the page, they're numbers that jump off the stat sheet and slap the hoagie out of your mouth. This organization is a disgrace. They have been presented with opportunity after opportunity and have consistently Pat Burrelled every attempt. And what's worse- I like our current team. We've got a bad manager and a worse boss, but our young players are worth getting behind and can't be held accountable for management woes (except for Barajas, who is being held fully accountable until further notice). I'll never forgive them for not putting the new stadium downtown. But all of this won't change one thing- I'll be at the game tonight. I'll put on my Marlon Byrd jersey, get on the orange line, and head south to meet the inevitable. The only question left is- will we boo if they win?

Week 7: The Grossman Clinic

Sunday, October 21st 4:15 vs. Bears

Donovan's current team vs. his future team. This game could mean a lot more in the career of Kevin Kolb than we realize. If Five takes down the monsters of the midway, climbs into the NFC driver's seat, and doesn't look back until he's holding a trophy in Miami, he may buy himself a couple more years with the club. But if he pulls a Sexy Rexy and airmails four interceptions to Mike Brown and Nathan Vashar, he might just buy himself a one way ticket back to O'Hare.

But...

There's just no way we're losing this one with Super Bowl MVP Rex Grossman under center for the Bears. Playing football with Rex is like playing chess with a free turn every five moves. The dude is a menace. I don't care if he is practing lefthanded. Chalk this one up for the Birds, 27-10

I have a brief question

When does football season start?

You know I love hockey, and the Flyers signing Briere this weekend was huge. But they were outcashed by the Rangers, so it might be for nothing. Not to mention the horrific season that I loyally sat through last year.

The Phillies? Who even wants to think about that crap?

Which brings me back to my original question. When does football start again? Don't expect to hear from me again for a while, I'll be hiding in my cave playing Madden.

Week 6: Enter the Mangenius

Sunday, October 14th @ Jets

There have been more than a few circumstances in the last five years where a innocuous AFC east trip has turned into a 64-3 blowout, and to anyone who is worried that we have another one coming here, have a coke and a smile. The Birds will be coming off a bye, while the Jets look to recover from a brutal road trip to their own stadium. While this has all the makings of a 31-27 grind with Donovan tossing out 4 touchdowns in his (hopefully) season premier, it's a win any way you draw it up. The Eagles don't lose off of a bye. They don't lose to inferior teams (gulp), and they don't lose to AFC teams that you'd think they could steamroll because their 3-6 even though if they played in the NFC West they'd be a perennial super bowl threat. Yikes.

I also don't care if Mangini is a fat young genius. Lest you forget, there was a time when Andy Reid was fat and young as well. Let that be a lesson on what the aging process can do for you. But once Eric breaks out the Belichick hobo sweats, it may be time to start getting worried. Let me stand as an example for everyone that the less you care about your clothing, the more you care about everything else. Especially football.

Prediction: Win, Cover, and 1 Chad Pennington career ending injury that is downgraded to day-to-day in two weeks.

Thank god that's over

This guy is about as impressed as anyone was with Mike Brown and the Cavs' performance over that excruciatingly long four game series with the Spurs. So begin the doldrums of summer, which this year feature an above .500 ball club! As bad as these NBA finals were (don't forget that the actual finals were played a month ago and were marred by the clutch play of Robert Horry), we've got a lot of basketball to get ready for, as this offseason promises to bring in the largest batch of new Sixers that we've seen in about a decade. And if the thought of four mid to low first round picks doesn't get your blood burning, we'll throw in non-stop Eagles coverage as well.

As for the finals, cheers to the Spurs and jeers to a Cleveland squad that thankfully had something to leave on the floor back in Detroit but were nothing more than well uniformed fish in a barrel against anyone the West could throw at them.

The Best: Running Back

The greatest running back we'll probably ever see absolutely blew my mind when he came to play in Philly back in fall of 2005. The Eagles won that game, 20-17, on a blocked field goal taken back for a touchdown. During the fourth quarter there was a fire alarm in the stadium and all fans were asked to leave, as if burning to death in the Linc would be a worse fate than exiting a game early. Neither of those occurrences were half as amazing as what LaDainian Tomlinson did on that afternoon. His line for the game: 17 carries for 7 yards, and 0 touchdowns, breaking his streak of 18 consecutive games with a trip to the endzone. Tomlinson is a player so special that when you when someone is able to bottle him up, even for a day, he has still managed to upstage the game itself. He also stole Lawrence Taylor's nickname and is still alive.

The Best: Defensive Player

Lights Out. Shawne Merriman takes this one quicker than a left tackle can call for help. Or pizza. This dude is scarier than finding out your girlfriend is 17. He missed four games last year for a steroid violation and still led the league in sacks (and steroid violations). The dude can't be stopped, controlled, or reigned in. Keep your Kerry Collins statues away from the field.

The Best: Player You Never Heard Of

In the spirit of ESPN's five "unknown" players with a combined three pro bowl appearances (and a first round pick in as well), I'm gonna range out to an unknown position and snatch up Chargers fullback Lorenzo Neal. Lorenzo has been the quiet force ahead of LaDanian Tomlinson's destruction of the NFL record books, and has been happy (or had his tongue removed in the summer of 03) to keep quiet about his lack of accolades which include little more than three trips to the pro bowl. Playing at one of the league's most unglamorous positions, Neal has spent the last four years hiding in front of Tomlinson, for whom the league already has assigned a new wing in Canton.

Here's a brief job description for an NFL Fullback:

The ideal candidate should be between 5-11 and 6-2, weighing between 230-260 pounds. Candidate should have no interest whatsoever in touching the football, but be willing to do so, and when said blue moon rises, to carry it into a pile of 19 bodies with the goal of moving forward 5 or 6 feet. On all other occasions, the player will be asked to run as hard as possible into the first man he sees in the hopes that this man does not tackle the man behind him, who is paid, on average, four times the salary of the man without the ball. If the candidate is successful in defeating the first man he sees, he should quickly seek a second, ad infinitum.

Compensation: Non-competitive
Benefits: You can still go to a restaurant without being attacked by third-graders

Slow Train Rides On

Sunday, September 30th 8:15 at Giants

It's been a long, long time since the Giants took the field without Tiki Barber. Unless this Sunday night battle turns into the Plaxico Burress show, I really don't see what we have to worry about here. Again, I'm looking to give the flip-flops award to Donovan as he takes another night off and gears up for the bye week. Not that we don't need you, 5, but really...

Looking back, I can't recall the last time I felt remotely threatened by the Giants. But every year, you hear rumbles about how ready they are to make their move. Is this all a function of our proximity? This can't be how Giants fans feel about us, right? Regardless, this one's another slice, as we ride the train to 4-0.

The Best: Wide Receiver

This one comes with a major caveat: I absolutely think that Steve Smith is the best receiver in the land. But after taking the group pick yesterday, I'll stray from the gospel. Marvin Harrison was out from the jump because of his Linda Blair-esque playoff stats. Chad's been spectacular against mediocre opponents and only has one playoff game his ledger. I have a quiet respect for Torry Holt, but something about that whole Rams dome/alien qb/hall of fame teammates makes him seem a little suspect. Keep walking walking walking down the line, to my pick, Hines Ward.

Hines runs away in the grit competition, and packs in enough speed a big-game pedigree to steal the cake. His 8 touchdowns in 10 games compare favorably with Smith (8 tds in 7), and place Marvin's 2 TDs in 14 playoff appearances (both came in 03 against Denver- one year before they picked up Champ Bailey!) firmly in Freddie Mitchell territory. He also has a Korean mother and despises everyone from Iowa.

Weak Three

2/3 cups all-purpose flour
1 1/2 cups granulated sugar
2/3 cup unsweetened cocoa powder
1 1/2 teaspoons baking soda
1 teaspoon salt
1 1/2 cups buttermilk
1/2 cup vegetable shortening
2 large eggs
1 teaspoon vanilla extract

That's a recipe for cake. Here's a suitable variation:

Sunday, September 23rd 1:00 vs. Lions

The Best: Big Fat Athletic Men

As previously stated, you build a football team from the inside out. This tried and true method of football creationism has been espoused by brilliant minds throughout the NFL. It has been assaulted by bad coaches, with bad results, throughout history. Richard Seymour is a clear choice for the defensive side. The offensive side is a little different. Building a franchise requires youth, injury-resistance, and leadership. Talent is a must. Size is essential.

So where do you go? Clear talent is abundant. Walter Jones, Steve Hutchinson, Alan Faneca. But age rules out Jones and Faneca. Hutchinson is 29, and clearly a dominant player, but let's go younger than that.

Let's go to Shawn Andrews. Sure, he broke his leg early in his career and missed a season. That's not being injury prone, that's just bad luck. And who on the Eagles has been more dominant, outside of veteran Brian Dawkins. He's shown versatility, moving from tackle to guard. He's shown dedication, by having stopped eating so many delicious cheeseburgers and roast pork sandwiches. But most importantly, he's clearly the most dominant lineman on the Eagles, and probably in the division given the decline in Strahan's abilities.

Suit him up.

The Best: Coach

I said I'd make a strong effort to avoid using already chosen players and staff, but when it comes to picking the league's best coach, there's just no way I'm going against Belichick. He is as dominant a force in pro sports as I have seen, and that includes the ranks of Jordan, Woods, and the kid on Nickelodeon GUTS that ran 20 meters across the top of a pool in under 4 seconds. Belichick is so serious that he divorced his wife so he could spend more time in the office. He's so successful that he can wear hobo clothes without snickering. Halberstam even wrote a book about him. I wish he was my coach, so I too could learn the joys of playing through multiple concussions in late August.