Oh boy oh boy

We all know the Saints are good. Honestly, I, and I think most people, were pulling for them all season to do well. And yes, they played the Eagles during the regular season and won.

But let's stop for a second here. First off, they did play in the mediocre at best NFC South, right? The Panthers? The Falcons? The BUCS? Alright now.

Secondly, although they beat the Eagles earlier in the season, did everyone forget how it went down? If i'm not mistaken, the Birds came back from a 17 point deficit to take the lead, only to blow it on a last second field goal.

So I'm not advocating that ESPN and the like favor the Eagles in this game or anything, but come on. Give them a little credit.

Stressful, indeed.

While I was quite optimistic about Sunday's contest against the Giants, the questions for myself related not to who was going to win, but to whether or not I was going to go to the game.

I've only been to two Eagles games, both against the stinking Redskins. One in Landover, MD a few years ago, where I was able to scalp a ticket for less than face value (stick that in your pipes and smoke it you fairweather Skins fans). The other game was on New Years last year with Hal in Philly, and we lost. However, we were the last two Eagles fans in the Linc, as all the Skins fans stayed late to celebrate with the players who had just clinched a playoff spot. Hal and myself booed them all vociferously.

So, before this weekend's game, I had a few options for a ticket. The only realistic one had me paying $300 for a decent endzone seat. On the surface, 300 bucks is a lot of money for a football game. However, it is the Eagles. It is the playoffs. And it's the Giants. (Other possible considerations include: A) Tom Coughlin spontaneously combusting on the sideline. B) Tiki Barber's last game ever. C) Jeff Garcia coming out of the closet, thereby allowing me to rub the fact that the Giants got beat by a gay QB in the face of Giants fans everywhere.)

However, in my experience, while sitting real close to the field at a football game is exciting, you typically can't see a damn thing. Clearly, you get a much better feel for the game watching it on TV or from a higher, more affordable seat. Also, I just got back from 3 previous weeks of vacation, one in Virginia, one on a road trip, and one in Las Vegas. Money was not flowing like wine, water, or what have you.

Point is, I didn't go. I watched the game at the bar where I work, and it was obviously completely awesome. You all saw it. The Eagles beat the crap out of them all game, and then made it just interesting enough at the end for us to call it an incredible game. Perhaps the best moment came in the picture that I posted above.

So, the question is this: how do you quantify the value of a sporting event like this? I clearly couldn't afford the game, but if I had spent the money and gone, I wouldn't be in debt for the rest of my life either. I'm totally perplexed, wishing I had gone, and wishing that I could just get the damn season tickets already that I've been on the waiting list for for years.

Best Christmas Present Ever???

Sure was! The only time in my mind that the game was in question was when Garcia threw the early pick. After that, smooth sailing. And I couldn't be happier. Who'd have thought this season could be turned around like this? And with a backup QB?

One word. Awesome.

Alright, so we've been slacking

But come on, cut us some slack. Hal's in Africa, James and I have been beaten into submission by the horrible play of, well, everyone, and I'm busy with school learning how to actually write.

Yeah we know that's no excuse. You rely on the Greenbleeder for all things sport. As well you should, and your confidence is not misplaced.

Yes, we here at Greenbleeder are fallible, it may be hard to believe, but it is the truth. And we have slacked mightily.

But tell me this. Would you really have wanted to hear Hal be optimistic about an Eagles season that has had most of us wanting to get sledgehammered in the nuts? Would you really have wanted to read my nonsense about how the Flyers aren't really this bad, they're just confused? Would you really want to read James talk about Penn State as if this season isn't a joke?

Possibly, you say? I think you're lying.

In all facticity, factitude, and facticiousness, I have almost entirely drowned out the sports media lately. I watch the Eagles (gag), I try to watch the Flyers (choke/vomit), and I willingly watch the Sixers (they're at least decent, but NBA=syrup of ipecac). But I don't read the sports section in the paper anymore. I rarely watch SportsCenter. I rarely watch my favorite show on TV, Pardon the Interruption. I'm in a vacuum.

I did see Ryan Howard get the MVP. I am happy. He is a phenomenal player, and he deserves it. What I don't want to see is the Phillies use this to hide the fact that they still fucking suck.

In summary, it's rough times here at GB, for everyone. I'm sure it's rough times for a lot of you as well. But we keep on keepin on. I'll watch football on Thanksgiving, because that's what we do in this country. And I'll watch hockey because that's what they do in Canada, and they're nice people. But I will not, repeat will not, go quietly into the night accepting the bullshit on a silver platter we have been handed this fall by our squads. Can we get a break?

I'm sure no one cares but me, buuuuut

The Flyers are playing again. I'm sure none of our readers really get into hockey until the playoffs, if at all (I know some of you down right hate it). But I love it, so here it is.

They sucked worse than I thought they could possibly suck on Thursday. I missed the first two periods of the game because I was in class, which I was initially pissed about. Later on, I found out it was a blessing. Somehow, I decided to subject myself to the late-night replay of the game, and found that my inital assumptions were correct. There was nothing good about the game. Not a single thing.

So I don't want to talk about that anymore. However, TODAY is the home opener, against the team I love to hate the most (possibly the 2nd most, but the Devils sorta suck these days), the New York Rangers. If anyone can remember far back enough to last year's opener, the Rangers beat us like a bunch of peewees, and then proceeded to be totally crappy for the rest of the season. However, they've gotten better this season, and this game should be great.

All in all though, I am not overly excited for the Flyers this year. Not because I don't love hockey, it's my favorite sport. But I just don't think they did anything to fix the numerous problems that they had last year. In fact, sometimes I think the Flyers are like a slightly more successful Phillies team. It frustrates me that much. Sure they get to the playoffs almost every year, and a few times to the Finals. But Bobby Clarke continues to do the same stupid shit year in and year out, and it's very frustrating. The Ed Wade Era is over, I'd like to see an end to the Bobby Clarke Era.

Can we collectively get over this yet?

This Sunday is a big game. A bigger than big game. A huge game. Might even be bigger than that.

And yeah, while all they've talked about on ESPN and everywhere else all damn week is TO versus the Eagles, that's really not what it's about. This game is the Cowboys, and the Eagles, in Philadelphia, to determine the course of the rest of the season. As is the other division game in New York. These should be two incredible football games, to watch, to talk about, everything. It's funny that the national sports media has talked about this game sooo much but has barely talked about the game itself. Do you think any of the players care about TO? They asked a bunch of them, and many are still friends with the guy. No one gives two shits, they're professionals, we're the ones who get our collective panties in a collective wad. McNabb cares a little bit, I think, but we all know he's a sensitive mama's boy, very similar to TO in a more positive, endearing way.

In evaluating the possible outcome of this game, I approach it as if I was going to make a bet. And I wouldn't touch this game with your money. I think the Birds do win, but almost entirely because it's at home. The crowd will obviously be VERY into this one, and that really does help in a lot of ways. TO will get double coverage all day long, because Andy Reid is also something like a sensitve mama's boy, and wouldn't want to get beat by the man who ruined his team. Terry Glenn as a result will catch a lot of balls. But I think the real battle in this game is our offense versus their defense, which should be a good one. In any event, I can't wait for this one, and not because of TO.

Honestly, I'm over it.

Wow

People were talking all sorts of nonsense about how easy the game yesterday was going to be for the Eagles. I really thought it was important to not underestimate them, as they had shown clear improvements over last year. Still not a great team, but better than before. Obviously no one on the Eagles was taking the game lightly, so I wasn't really worried about it.

But I gotta say, that game was more boring than the accounting class I mistakenly took in college. I fell asleep before half time, and upon waking up sometime in the 4th quarter, I decided to just chalk it up and go back to sleep. I don't have much hope for next week either, not with the way the Birds' offense is playing. So don't count on any stunningly brilliant witticisms from me this week, but I don't think you were doing that anyways. Yeah, I'm going back to sleep.

Belated Anniversary

Did anyone notice besides me that we've been writing this silly thing for over a year now? I just did. As celebration, I thought I'd bring back a hypothetical, but Hal's better at that than I am. I refuse to talk about the Phillies still, but that might actually happen sometime in the near future. In fact, I'm going to avoid almost every standard and ethical precept that we've created over the year at Greenbleeder, and talk about a political hero of mine. To quote from the standard-bearer of American journalism, the New York Times:

“Yesterday, ladies and gentlemen, from this rostrum, the president of the United States, the gentleman to whom I refer as the devil, came here, talking as if he owned the world. Truly. As the owner of the world.” -- Hugo Chavez, president of Venezuela.

Haha. He called Bush the devil. Now back to sports, sorry about that.

Severe despondence

Well. We're all in the same boat. I had to give it at least 24 hours, or I would've just had an extreme case of verbal diarrhea. So I left it alone, but I definitely feel the same as I did on Sunday at 5:30 pm. It definitely wasn't good, but since Hal pretty much covered the bad side of this game, I'll see if I can get something positive out there.

Let's face it. For about 3 quarters, the Eagles made a pretty decent team look like garbage. They looked like a JV high school football team. That defense that everyone likes to talk about so much (I never understood that in the first place) couldn't do a damn thing. Strahan who? Umenyiora who? The Birds didn't really run the ball, but that's nothing new, and to be expected at this point. Our defense, minus one starting d-back, and then minus Rod Hood (who should be the starter), still handled them. Demolished them I'd say. Little Eli looked positively fearful, as he should have. The Eagles looked like the team of old, and yeah...they horribly blew it. But if you mean to tell me that the potential for an extremely good season is not there, I'll tell you you're crazy.

And yeah, that game was awful.

You're Like a Lost Child, Who Wanders Into the Room

And maybe it's not just coincidence that they're both named Donnie. 15 minutes to go. We're watching a Super Bowl team operating at a near peak level. 25 minutes and and 23 points later, we're left with nothing but questions. Can Five lead this team to a win from behind, or is our team designed only to cruise? Can the defense survive the loss of our second and third cornerbacks, especially with Sheldon already having yielded two touchdowns on the season? And just how can you put together eight sacks and a turnover and not come out with the win?

At the end I'm just left confused. I feel like a child, only I still have to go to work today. Week two and I'm picking up the pieces of my mind, shattered by a defense that couldn't hold back the flood and an offense that is simply not built for the fourth quarter.

One of the most troubling failures was that it is an offense built for overtime, they got the ball at the fifty, and still couldn't get it done. I'm wearing, aching, debilitated. 25 mintues stole away what little i had left. Staring 4-0 right in the eyes. A divisional loss at home. And when you're 5000 miles east of Philly, every game is in prime-time. I'm on empty. For the first time since I left I'm happy not to wake up in Philly because to see the faces on three million people who just had their heart ripped out by a silver spoon cake eating son of a hall of fame loser would just be too much.

Tom Coughlin wears women's underwear.

Everyone knows we here at the Greenbleeder have nothing but an intense hatred for all things New York Giants. Everything about them is hateable, from the coach, down to the waterboys. But we are also loathe to underestimate an opponent, and the Giants of recent years have proven a formidable one. Sometimes. They've also been total suckers.

It is this writer's opinion that this game sets the stage for the NFC East, for all teams, not just Philadelphia or New York. The winner will become the target, and the loser might be ready to get thrown on the loser's pile. I've been watching the New York fans bet the point spread down and down and down all week, and I can confidently say that those are some horrible bets. Get ready for an overrated Giants defense getting pummelled by the Bird's underrated offense. I can already see it now. Even though I'm writing this an hour before the game and most likely no one will read it until the winner has been decided, I just wanted everyone to know how much I hate the Giants with all my pure, golden, Cuban heart.

Now he's gonna write about soccer?

I’ve waiting long enough to shamelessly steal the running diary of a sporting event, so why not start with the most anticipated/weirdest/most interesting/scariest/most unsafe thing I’ve seen so far in Africa, none of which is any kind of understatement.

Mid July: Rumors start appearing that the new stadium will open in September, with a match against Cameroon. From this one could gather that the stadium might open this year, and that there’s a possibility a soccer match may be played against some African nation. Still no way to be sure.

Early August: Word holds steady that the match will be in September, but now it’s versus Liberia, with whispers that Real Madrid is coming to town. This is approximately as likely as a Division III NCAA team telling their fans that the 1986 bears are holding a exhibition match in their stadium next week and having it happen, in 2006.

Late August: Tickets are on sale! September 4th, 4pm versus Liberia. Tickets range from three bucks up to fifteen. Beautiful. Hook me up with some four dollar fun.

September 4th, 1:30: Head out towards the stadium, planning to grab some food on the way.

1:45: The town is comprised almost completely of hole in the wall or open door one-room stores. The restaurants are marked by the words “Hay comida” on the wall outside, letting you know they “Have food.” Very welcoming. My dad decided that they are all part of the ‘Hay Comida” franchise, I guess you could say that they are Africa’s Bob’s Big Boy, with the main exception that no matter how extensive their menu is on any given day, they only have two dishes, and you probably don’t want either of them. I step in and order chicken with rice. Santi, my buddy I’m going to the game with, orders fish with plantains, and is told that don’t have any fish. Ok, how about beef with plantains? Sorry, no plantains. Beef with rice please. And a coke? No coke. Stellar.

1:49: While destroying a drumstick I proudly pronounce that Guinea will win 2-0, with a goal in the 25th and 85th minutes. ‘Uh, I hope… you are right,’ says Santi.

1:54: The waiter’s head explodes from eighteen kids screaming at him for some chicken. Free meal.

2:00: We begin our ascent to the stadium, along with 15,000 other people who are either in the midst of, or preparing to lose their minds.

2:30: Arrive at the stadium, are well pleased to find that there is in fact a game, and that they’re letting people in. Looking good.

2:40: Find our seats, learn that the extra dollar we paid put us under the awning. And here comes the rain! I Immediately am pleased about our purchase.

3:00: Still reveling in the joy of the new stadium, notice that there is a leak in the roof two seats to my right. About every two seconds little kid is getting walloped by a inch-wide drop of rain. Our luck continues.

3:15: The cops have done a stellar job of keeping beer out of the stadium, but the small handful of guys that did their work beforehand are more than making up for their 14,000 sober friends. Beautiful spectacle.

3:30: Interest in the new stadium subsides and I notice that there are 15,000 people in the stadium and only 50 cops. What’s the Spanish word for mayhem?

4:00: Players come out on the field, on time! Miracle of miracles. Also, the sky is open like church on Sunday. Very well spent extra dollar.

4:10: No cheerleaders, no mascots, but we do have eight year old kids acting as ball boys. I think hip-hop would have worked this game for free, but that’s just a guess.

4:15: And we’re off. Guinea pushes the ball up the right wing, centers and… GOAL! Nope, offsides. My prediction is holding. Approximately 14,762 dudes curse in a language I don’t speak. I stick to English with a bit of Spanish mixed in.

4:20: If you know anything about sports, it doesn’t take long to figure out who’s the dog and who are the studs. I don’t know a lick about soccer and I can tell you definitively that #25, a defenseman, is not making it through this game. I’ll bet 2000 FCFA on it. No one accepts.

4:22: #25 falls down, barely avoids letting up a goal.

4:30: #25 falls again.

4:35: Some dude fakes being hurt, gets in the stretcher, gets to the sideline, immediately jumps out and sprints back on the field. Could this ever work in America? Ever? Have these people seen Jeremiah Trotter?

4:40: GOOOOOOOOOOOAL!!!! 15,000 people promptly lose their minds. I think the city is about to collapse. 25th minute. One down, one to go. Police barricade the field. Thankfully no one jumps on.

4:43: Scratch that, here comes the first idiot.

4:44: Still running

4:45: Got em. Players don’t miss a beat.

4:55: #25 gets burnt terribly, goalie falls down trying to dive, goal, Liberia. 1-1. No police presence needed. Yet.

5:02: Halftime. You can be pretty sure their won’t be any guys coming on the field to do Frisbee dog tricks. I’m not counting on a $500,000 goal from 100 yards out either. Not ruling it out though. The halftime show mainly consists of fans yelling at the cops not to arrest people who come on the field. Is there anywhere in the world that you don’t get thrown in jail for running on the field? I’ll bet the Swiss even have a rule against it. Come on.

5:30: Second half begins. Some poor fan with his whole body painted tries to get the wave going. Not happening.

5:35: Mercifully, #25 is pulled. Easy money.

5:40: zzzzz.

5:45: zzzzzz.

5:50: Red card, Liberia. Half a garbage call, but we’ll take it. 11 on 10 from here on out.

5:55: GOOOOAL! Nope, offsides. Just an awful, awful rule. Why not let the dudes behind the defense? Does cherry picking work in any other sport? There’s no NBA team sitting one man under the other basket and heaving outlet passes. Come to think of it, is Kyle Korver’s defense really that much better than if he wasn’t there at all? Hmm.

6:10: 40th minute, fans are losing spirit. Eerily similar to the last innings of a Phillies game, only if every time an infielder took a ball off their chest they rolled around for two minutes and waited for a stretcher. So I guess it’s more like a Mets game. Did I mention this sport is all I have here?

6:12: Corner kick, no luck.

6:13: Corner kick, no luck.

6:14: Corner kick, centered, quick shot on goal, and it’s in!! Immediately hits a Liberian dude standing about two inches inside the goal line, bounces out, every single person is out of their seat screaming and no one has any idea if they’ve called it a goal yet. The players are in some sort of half-celebration, half- mortified mode, and then it hits the screen. Open the floodgates.

6:15: Liberian team is livid. One dude punches a Guinean player in the face, both teams break into an all out brawl until the military comes on to separate them. We’ve still got five minutes of game time left. I’m interested to see how this’ll play out. I’m also interesting in getting out alive.

6:16: Complete pandemonium continues. Play does not.

6:17: Still no sign of a soccer ball.

6:19: Ball is now back in the center of the field, Liberian goalie is now egging the fans on. Apparently he didn’t get a good security count.

6:24: And its over! A Guinean player runs to the sideline, throws his shirt into the crowd and fruitlessly begs the fans not to rush the field. Three guys jump on, run at him, hugging him and trying to steal his shorts while giving him a photo. I take a look at that the fans, then at the cops, and mention it might be a good time to leave.

6:25: And here comes the flood. Thousands on thousands rush onto the field as we find the side exit. Playtime’s over, back to the real world.

I have zee lingonberry pancakes

Number 72. Six-foot-seven...three hundred and thirty-five pounds.
Number 79. Six-foot-six...three hundred and twenty-one pounds.
Number 67. Six-foot-four...three hundred and thirty pounds.
Number 73. Six-foot-four...three hundred and forty pounds.
Number 69. Six-foot-seven...three hundred and thirty pounds.

These are five reasons why Donovan McNabb is set to have the greatest year in Philadelphia sports history and hoist the Lombardi trophy so high he's gonna bring rain. My friend, have you ever seen a six foot seven, three hundred and thirty-five pound man? Have you ever seen a man bend over twice just to get through a doorway? Have you ever seen the fear in the eyes of a waiter, so scared that if this man's steak is overdone he's gonna be in traction for sixteen and a half weeks? These are five Paul Bunyans determined to let no man lay a hand on their blue ox.

Fuck dogs, an offensive lineman is a man's best friend. Everything that goes right, and half the things that go wrong this year will be on the merit of these five men, and their five apprentices waiting in the wings. Have you seen Max Jean-Giles! This man dominates folding chairs. Wicker furniture trembles.

Remember that old 5th grade science project where you had to design some kind of contraption to put an egg into, then you drop it off the roof, and if your egg doesn't break, you get an A? Well, if you're the Redskins, you wait until March 11th, then wrap the egg in money. If you're the Giants, you're probably too upset about how shitty your egg is, so you just throw the motherfucker into the wall. If you're the Cowboys, you hard-boil the egg, chuck it and hope no one notices, because your karma's already fucked. Well, Andy Reid took his egg, and wrapped it in 1,656 pounds of meat, because Andy cares about his egg, and knows that his egg will carry him. Our egg is a beautiful egg.

Holy $%&!

Stallworth, Stallworth, Stallworth, Stallworth, Stallworth, Stallworth, Stallworth.

Now, we all know that everyone's ratings of the Eagles was probably a tad low. No one thinks they could possibly win the division, and most people have pretty much entirely written them off. Obviously people here in Philadelphia don't really agree with that, but that's, for the most part, irrelevant. Yet, in another bold move by the front office, the Eagles have acquired Donte Stallworth, for practically nothing. Simoneau is a player who was having a tough time getting on the field, and the conditional 4th rounder is worth...well it's not worth a whole lot if you can't draft right.

In my mind, I think this puts the Eagles right back on the map. Sure a nice power back would be a welcome addition. Stallworth will make our whole offense better. No, he's not TO, he's not Chad Johnson, he's not Steve Smith. He is A) Fast as all hell, B) Great with the ball after the catch, and C) Going to draw coverage away from our weaker WRs, which should improve their play. I'm really excited about this, and while I don't think it turns the Eagles into the Super Bowl contender they were with TO, it can only help.

THE RETURN OF MONDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL

Ok, the actual football part of the game last night is not at all what I was interested in, even though I secretly root for the Vikings, a little bit.

No, I was more interested in what my main man Tony Kornheiser had to say. And to be honest with you, I wasn't particularly impressed. Not disappointed mind you, but not impressed. We've all seen him on PTI, and maybe you've read his columns in the Washington Post or heard his radio show. But I was very curious to see how he did with live TV that would be watched by millions. We all know how the third man on MNF can shoot himself in the foot (i.e. Dennis Miller's dumbass), but I certainly have more hope for the bald man who doesn't fly. They created a few little segments to make sure he got time on the mic, but for the most part it was Tirico and Theismann (who I don't like at all). But I think he'll get better as the season goes on, and I'm looking forward to it.

Not to mention they moved the starting time up to 8:00 pm, which is great for dudes like me that fall asleep early.